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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo. I had to put my foot down."

"did you hear about the flaccid, chinese penis that ran for presidency? He didn't stand a chance in the erection."

"I went to a club completely infested by tourettes suffering women last night. Any time I approached one they told me to fuck off."

"A punchline my Japanese girlfriend came up with: What's black, white, and red all over? A Black Santa Claus!!!"

"What did Putin say when he was finally fed up with Boris Nemtsov? I'm putin' that guy to sleep"

"They say love is more important than money. B!tch, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?!"

"big pharma. if youre reading this i have an idea for a pill that makes you tinier so you can fit into secret zones. i will let you invent it"

"What's a pirates favorite thing to knit? Scaaaaaarrves"

"Imagine going back to the Middle Ages and telling people that we can fly in the future. They'd be like ""DUDE WTF are you wearing Crocs?"""

"I think the sun shouldn't come up until at least noon on Saturdays."