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Joke of the Day

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I have no idea how they got in the lightbulb."

"Police Chief: Why are you putting handcuffs on that building? Officer: I'm making a house arrest"

"Where can you drown a hipster? In the mainstream."

"ROBOT: You cannot defeat us ENGLISH TEACHER: Why's the ch pronounced differently in orchid than in orchard? ROBOT: [twitch, spark]"

"The trick to being happy is to keep a positive outlook: For example, my ongoing effort to break the world record for most ramen eaten while single is going great!"

"What does Donald Trump call the space between his balls and his butthole? The Bridge. It connects his courage to his ideas."

"If Donald Trump was a fruit what would he be? A walnut."

"Canada is not a vast empty woodland. Our monetary system proves our civility. 5 beavers is worth a caribou 4 caribous are worth a loon And 2 loons are worth a polar bear."

"I lost 15 pounds by moving my bathroom scales from a hard surface to carpet! Great success!"

"Chuck Norris once screamed ""bloody murder"" in sign language for the hearing impaired."