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Joke of the Day

"I killed a man once, because killing him twice is a physical impossibility."

"What do you call a person with short-term memory loss? I forget..."

"What would Steve Harvey change his name to if he suddenly became bulimic? Heave Starvey"

"I would make a sexist joke But that would be wrong, and being wrong is for women."

"Do you ever think about how ""Chips Ahoy"" is meant to evoke a weary ship captain finally encountering a cookie with a decent amount of chips"

"A: My bag is getting heavier B: Why? A: Because I don't smoke... B: How does it matter?? A: ""It ain't got any lighter"""

"What piece of furniture can you always trust? A Reputable."

"My friend came crying to me after he crashed his brand new Swedish car But I didn't want to hear his Saab story"

"Survey: Are you a Democrat or a Republican? Me: Labels are for soup cans Survey: Can you tell us which way you're leaning? Me: Clam chowder"

"ST BERNARD DOG: [getting ready for work] Honey have you seen my barrel? WIFE: Which one? SBD: The little one I wear AROUND MY NECK EVERY DAY"