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Joke of the Day

"Survey: Are you a Democrat or a Republican? Me: Labels are for soup cans Survey: Can you tell us which way you're leaning? Me: Clam chowder"

"My spirit animal is a dolphin because I use sonar to make sure I'm peeing in the toilet every night."

"What economic theory opposes manscaping? Laissez-fur!"

"Whether my dreams are good or bad, waking up is always worse."

"What's black, white and red all over? A nun in a blender"

"I think this unicorn may be drunk, 'cause he's not making ANY sense!"

"What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself? One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan."

"Why did they never make a pregnant Barbie? because Ken always came in another box."

"Q: What walks on four legs in the morning, two at noon & three at night? A: The bloodthirsty shapeshifter who hides among us. Trust no one."

"Why do elephants prefer peanuts to caviar? Because they're easier to get at the ballpark."