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Joke of the Day

"Survey: Are you a Democrat or a Republican? Me: Labels are for soup cans Survey: Can you tell us which way you're leaning? Me: Clam chowder"

"Tweets are like your children: you love them all at first, you never know how they'll age, and most of them you regret creating."

"[dinner party] GUEST: so what are your thoughts on euthanasia? ME: [mouth full of mashed potatoes] I am against youths everywhere."

"Documentaries must provide 90% of the employment for violin players."

"your mama so fat she was going to walmart tripped over kmart and landed right on target!!!"

"Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight... Hoping to get a PS3 in return."

"I was talking to a hot North African girl for hours. We just clicked"

"What's an Australian's favorite element? Gold"

"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre!"

"What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? *The taste.*"