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Joke of the Day

"Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells? Because D shells are too big and B shells are too small."

"[interrupts gf talking about her dream wedding] lol a horse drawn carriage? ""what's funny about that?"" a horse can't hold a pencil karen"

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar Schrodinger's cat walks out of a bar"

"Laughter is the best medicine. Depression is the best food. Happiness is the best animal. I don't know since we're clearly making stuff up."

"Knock Knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 Who? YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!!!!"

"When everyone was giving apples to their teachers, I was the one giving cucumbers... Still to this day, Mr. Smith won't look me in the eyes."

"I let friend's kid call my ex & say ""Are you really my daddy?"" while I'm in the background yelling ""hang up the phone,he doesn't want you!"""

"Cats always land on their feet & bread always lands butter down, but spread butter on the cat's back & everyone wonders why you're naked."

"Why can't blind people bungee jump? Because it scares the fuck out of the dogs."

"When a Chinise guy and an Indian have a race fight. Who will win? When two of the most populated countries clash which race will rise?"