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Joke of the Day

"Why do you get ebola from a feminist? Because they don't shave, going down on them would be basically eating bushmeat."

"Diets are like ghosts. They might exist, but I wouldn't know."

"5 years ago I asked a girl if she wanted to go on a date. Yesterday I asked her if she would marry me. She said no both times, though."

"When CNN says they're ""breaking news"" they are, in a sense, right."

"There are two kinds of people. Those who admit they pee in the shower, and goddamn liars."

"How I pissed off my girlfriend during sex. I called her."

"Just checked out Jian Ghomeshi's band Moxy Fruvous for the first time... Not bad. That guy can really keep a beat."

"Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house."

"So my scatterbrained friend accused me of misquoting cliches... Isn't that the pot calling the kettle a racist?!?!"

"A termite walks into a bar... He says, ""Is the bar tender here?"""