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Joke of the Day

"Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage."

"I'm hospital for an appointment and I saw a toddler playing with a donkey toy. ICU baby, shaking that ass"

"Confusing the word, ""jacuzzi"" with, ""yakuza"" has gotten me in hot water with the Japanese mafia more than once."

"Hookers should use laundry mats as fronts for their brothels They both charge by the load."

"I found out a friend was a vegan and it completely changed how I thought about her. It was like I didn't know herbivore."

"Why were the boy and girl melons depressed? Because they can't elope."

"A roofie? .. but how does a roof take a picture of itself? I'm so confused."

"What do you call a street on the Mexican border? Wall Street"

"[Americas Got Talent] ME: *reads an opinion different than mine online without getting offended* JUDGE (under his breath): how'd he do that"

"You know when doctors leave the room they are just checking Web MD right?"