197772

Joke of the Day

"guy walks into a strip club.. guy walks into a strip club and says, ""hey!, who do I gotta blow to get a lap dance around here?"""

"If the Nazi's were a football team, what would be their favorite play? Blitz!"

"[couples therapy] ME: She thinks I make bad decisions WIFE: He traded our car for a skateboard THERAPIST: *writing notes* This guy rules"

"Did you know Canada was originally going to be called ""CND""? When they were asked to spell it, they spelled it: C-eh. N-eh. D-eh."

"Why are there no astronauts on Twitch.tv? Because in space, no one can hear you stream."

"What happened when Apple added the new touchbar? They're taking away functions, and there's no escape."

"My late wife was abducted by a troupe of travelling Mime artists. The police informed me, they did... Unspeakable things to her."

"What do you call a prostitude asking for a ride? A Hictchooker"

"I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, ""Oi, what's your disability?"" I said, ""Tourettes! Now fuck off!"""

"I guess I now know what the Pope is giving up for lent."