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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst thing about being a Jehovah's witness? Nobody asks, 'who's there?' when you try and tell a knock knock joke."

"There once was a fellow McSweeny... Who spilled some gin on his weenie. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, Then slipped his girlfriend a martini!"

"My girlfriend wanted me to be more flirtatious... So I said, ""I want to make you the 'U' in 'TIFU'"""

"[1st day working at bank] BOSS: What are you doing?? ME: I gave that man a personal loan. BOSS: YOU'RE THE JANITOR"

"History is his-story, rambled the tumblrina... where are the records of the deeds of women? that is a miss-story"

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!"

"Mariah Carey seems like the type to sing all she wants for Christmas is you, but when you don't get her anything she throws a huge hissy fit"

"I told my friends I'm going on a date with a cute girl. They told me she's imaginary, but joke's on them, so are they."

"Two prime numbers stayed married for life. They couldn't be divided"

"What do you get when you cross a nymphomaniac with a kleptomaniac? A fucking thief!"