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Joke of the Day

"when i was 17 my bucket list was ""buy a house"" & ""marry a tycoon"" now i'm 27 it's ""tickle a baby hedgehog"" and ""learn Beyonce choreography"""

"My dad put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like, ""You're five years old? When I was your age, I was six"""

"Ever heard of the blind gynecologist? He could read lips"

"did you see Iran play in the world cup? I heard they played like Shiate'"

"Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."

"How do you ask an Uber driver if he drives for Lyft, too? Do you even Lyft bro? (I'll see myself out)"

"*family meeting at Noah's house* who wants us to do what by when?"

"White House Update: Dick Cheney extends hunting invitation to Trump Nope. Sorry. Just kidding. Edit: buncha scrubs keep downvoting my hilarious joke."

"What do ghosts wear? Boo Jeans"

"a 3-way standoff between a duck with a laser pointer, a cat with a vacuum cleaner, and a dog with a loaf of bread"