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Joke of the Day

"*wind starts wearimg sunglases adn 90s clothes* *wind starts recitimg will smith raps* wow this is som realy fresh air"

"What do you call a dinosaur that hates punchlines? MY LEGS! OH GOD, HE'S EATING MY LEGS! AAAAARGGHH!"

"""you okay man?"" listen dude... i know what im doing *lights a cigarette backwards* ive seen Guy Code like six times"

"Do you believe in abortion? Girl: Dad, do you believe in abortion? Father: Ask your sister. Girl: I don't have a sister... Father: Exactly."

"Arnold's new tell all book. Arnold Schwarzenegger just wrote a new tell all book because no one could understand his audio book."

"I'm getting engaged next month. Not because I'm in love but because it's gonna look dope on Instagram."

"Why are monkeys pedantic? Because they love nitpicking."

"Breaking News! President Putin have decided to restore Crimea territory to Ukraine. But President Poroshenko was so drunk and just declined the offer."

"So a crazy dog goes to a place where dogs get scanned by a machine and the dog goes crazy and breaks it and everyone is scared. He's inSCANINE!"

"Dad: ""So what are you going to do after you graduate?"" Me: ""well, mom said we'll probably go out somewhere to eat"""