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Joke of the Day

"Dad: ""So what are you going to do after you graduate?"" Me: ""well, mom said we'll probably go out somewhere to eat"""

"What's a philosophers favorite toy? Plato"

"When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing."

"""I'd like a nice stiff entendre please."" - Want me to make it a double? ""I'll just take it as it comes."""

"A Russian went for an eye check up. The doctor showed him some letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY ""Can you read this?"" The Russian responds, ""Read? I even know this guy. He's my cousin."""

"Where do Pixar employees go for Happy Hour? CGI Friday's."

"[high] ME: dude, NASA faked the moon landing FRIEND: wait, u mean- ME: yep, the moon never landed at all, it's still out there somewhere"

"My neighbours probably think I'm getting laid, but these are just the sounds I make whenever I take my socks off."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school? He woke up later"

"Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself"