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Joke of the Day

"wife: it looks too tight me: it's fine, let's just go [ten minutes later paramedics have to cut my turtleneck off after I pass out]"

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"Most problems can be solved by pouring a concrete slab over the person causing the problems."
"Where do Eggs keep their holidays pictures? In a photo albumen..."
"What is a suicide bomber's favorite TV show? The Big Bang Theory."
"Someone hash-tagged ""share the love,"" and I read it as ""shave the love."" I thought, yeah, I can get on board with that."
"What dog can tell the time ? A watch dog !"
"Why were Mary and Joseph considered such good businessmen? Because they produced such a great prophet."
"What is President Clinton's favourite game? Swallow the leader."
"Some cool ways to trick a woman into bed include ""being kind,"" ""making her feel special"" & ""showing her respect."" They love that shit!"
"Congratulations, Americans who write ""Cheers"" at the end of e-mails. You've found something even more pretentious than ""Sent from my iPhone"""