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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar... his face gets bruised, his phone shatters on the concrete, and the Pokemon gets away."

"What do you call someone that lives next a horse? Their neighbor"

"Bored? Sneak a dog into the movies and loudly explain the plot to the dog"

"So Rick Perry drops his presidential bid Today.. I thought his campaign wasn't for late term abortions."

"Son , I am not able to go to school today Son: I am not able to go to school today. Father: what happened? Son: I am not feeling well Father: Where you are not feeling well? Son: In school!"

"I tried smuggling child porn across the border once.... and i would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those fucking kids!"

"Told my black co-worker that I'm avoiding Africans at the airport this weekend. His response: ""I'm avoiding them everywhere!"""

"Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don't get married. If you are over 35, don't get married. If you are 35, don't get married."

"I like my coffee like I like my women Ground up and in my freezer"

"My girlfriend asked me to get her off. I told her it was a little cold outside to be needing bug spray."