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Joke of the Day

"Just realized that we are seriously kicking China's ass in cookie technology. So, we've got that going for us, which is nice."

"My dad is hung but then again, everything seemed bigger when I was a kid."

"Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything. We called him 9/12."

"I need to burn 644,098 calories at the gym today."

"Receiving reddit gold was like losing my virginity. I knew it would never happen again."

"JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods* ME: thats correct ur honor"

"I need a guy who's cute charming smells good smells really good like cinnamon and sugar and flaky crust and actually I just need some pie"

"What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? Boy scout comes back from camp!"

"Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye."

"Why does Daenerys take so long to get places? She keeps *dragon* her feet."