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Joke of the Day

"How much does a Human shield cost? One life"

"""I'm sorry I could never do that for you,"" said the cat sulking away after catching me on the internet looking at pics of cats in space."

"Ain't no sandwich when she's gone."

"How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram."

"I'm giving ""Up"" DVDs for Lent"

"I swear to god I'm not harassing you, I'm really out of shape that's just my labored breathing"

"I was told I could view the eclipse through a colander. I think I strained my eyes"

"Hey man, just be yourself! Not like that though."

"Does anyone know a cure for excessive ear wax. If you do, please give me a shout."

"Hagrid is so fat The Sorting Hat put him in the Waffle House"