158714

Joke of the Day

"""Can we stop for a second? I forgot everyone's names again."" - me, if I was a character on Game of Thrones"

"Just smiled at a stranger. So how does this work, will I get a direct deposit in my account?"

"I caught my SO putting plastic utensils in the waffle iron. I yelled,""What are you doing?! That will ruin it!"" She replies,""Yesterday you told me to lego your eggos. Make up your mind already!"""

"Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder and a giraffe walk into a bar The bartender says, ""What is this? Some kind of joke?"""

"How do you spell wrong? R?o?n?g. That's wrong. That's what you asked for isn't it?"

"What's yellow comes from Peru and is completely unknown ? Waterloo Bear Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin !"

"So how do you stop eating the endless breadsticks at Olive Garden does the restaurant close or are you supposed to bring a spotter with you?"

"What is a toad's favorite kind of beer? One with a lot of hops."

"Donald Trump wants to ban selling pre-shredded cheese... ...he says it will make America grate again."

"When is being an ""Alpha"" not a good thing in the dating world? When you are a type of radiation. No one wants someone who can't penetrate well."