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Joke of the Day
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"I feel like this election ended up being a good thing for Hilary Clinton. At least now she knows what it feels like to get fucked by the president."
"Adele joined my evening class. She sits at the back silently, we don't talk about her. She's the elephant in the room."
"I took a ""Paint with Wine"" class. The instructor was really impressed with how well I handled my wine."
"Did you hear about the competition between Volvo and the other Swedish car manufacturer? It's all just a Saab story, really."
"ME: On the one hand, I have this weird rash. And on the other hand DATE: ?? ME: It's on both hands, I should probably see a doctor"
"If you think Big Government is bad... Wait until you see *Yuge* Government."
"When I was 12 I ate a bee to impress a girl, and she just sent me a friend request on Facebook. So, mission accomplished."
"Well if you cant buy babys at Babys R Us what in the world do they sell?"
"They say celebrities die in threes... Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson. Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in the fourth for free."