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Joke of the Day

"ME: On the one hand, I have this weird rash. And on the other hand DATE: ?? ME: It's on both hands, I should probably see a doctor"

"Abortions are like stains in my carpet. You don't want them to be seen, and you pay somebody to vacuum them out."

"Bar of gold walks into a pub, The bartender says ""Au get out of here"""

"Do regular squirrels think flying squirrels are super heroes??!"

"Wife opening mail to spouse: ""The bank says that this is our last notice. Isn't it wonderful that they're not going to bother us anymore?'"

"I phoned a local restaurant. I said, ""Hello, can I make a booking for tonight?"" They said, ""I'm sorry, we haven't got any tables."" ""That's ridiculous,"" I said. ""How do you serve the food?"""

"The Purge: American Cops For just 365 nights a year, murder is legal!"

"Did you know that 1 in every doll, in every doll, in every doll, in every doll are Russian?"

"How awkward would it have been for coach if he put in Air Bud and they lost."

"If I had a dollar for every time I said a racist comment, I would have 0 dollars Because some black guy would have robbed me"