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Joke of the Day

"Replace Steven Tyler with a bear. Bearosmith. Billions and billions of $. I could do this all day, you guys. Hire me."

"My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words 'active' or 'sport' in it's name."

"How is a NASA Shuttle similar to Sex with Your Mother? ... They both burn on re-entry."

"I was walking down the street when I saw a black man carrying a tv... I could've swore it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at the house polishing my shoes."

"Wrote Santa A letter asking for a baby brother Wrote Santa a letter asking for a baby brother. Santa wrote back... ""Send me your mother"""

"""Dammit. I had shit planned today."" -- a spider being carried out of the house with a cup and piece of paper"

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think R but it's the C he loves!"

"How come Adele can call her ex 1,000 times and get a million dollars.... But when I do it, the Police show up."

"Say ""I won a math debate"" 5 times really fast! Now slap yourself for being such a pervert."

"Why did the period and and semicolon break up? Because they had nothing in comma"