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Joke of the Day

"My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words 'active' or 'sport' in it's name."

"Why did Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand? So she could moan with the other."

"Knock knock. Come in."

"What do you use when you have dry eyes? Moist-your-eyes-er"

"Why did the restaurant on the moon fail? They barely had any atmosphere."

"NASA's Scott Kelly is back on Earth after spending a year in space He found out how many states Trump won and left again"

"My ex-wife is so evil that she has lessons with Satan every Sunday... I just don't know how much she charges him."

"What did the rapper ask the pet sitter when he got back from vacation? Where my dogs at?"

"Another shitty joke Don't mistake me for a fool! I'm just a half."

"Everyone's all worried about World War III. Worry about the important shit. Batman's fighting Superman in 2016."