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Joke of the Day

"British accent. Say ""Beer can"" with a British accent... I just taught you how to say ""Bacon"" with a Jamaican accent. ."

"Who was the nose's favorite Christian mystic? Nostrildamus"

"*at church* ""Does anyone have anything else for the offering basket?"" I OFFER MY FIRST BORN CHILD ""Jim no"""

"What do you call a group of retards in a sauna? Steamed vegetables."

"Note to younger women: Remember, men are always after just one thing: your snacks. Do not leave the refrigerator unlocked."

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs They always take things literally"

"A lion would never cheat on his wife... But a Tiger Wood."

"ME: [at a party] hey! wanna come back to my place and- GIRL: hook up? sure! ME: [sadly putting away two Yu-Gi-Oh! decks] oh. awesome"

"It's like my dad always said, ""How did you get this number?!"""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bones ! Bones who ? Bones upon a time... !"