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Joke of the Day

"Me: [sneaks off to lay by pool cuz kids are finally playing] 7yo: HERE I AM MOMMY SO YOU DON'T HAFTA BE ALONE Me: [sigh] Thanks bud."

"Girl are you a fox? Because I don't know wtf you're saying."

"A speedo is just a man's way of saying ""not today girls""."

"If you give someone some Beethoven CDs for a gift and they don't like it, you can always take them Bach"

"Angry Stair Why was the stair frustrated and angry? It was tired of being stepped on by everyone!"

"I've cut this piece of wood 3 times ... ... and it's still too short. -Bob Edmiston"

"My friend doesn't like how I tell fat people jokes. I'm still not sure how their weight has to do with their sense of humor."

"Try not to put yourself in a position where you have to say ""I'm not actually a Nazi"""

"What is the worst city to be a cop in? Baltimore, I hear it's backbreaking work."

"My plan to buy a drawing board just fell through. I guess it's back to th-OH GOD DAMNIT."