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Joke of the Day

"Forget the Home Alone parents forgetting their kid. Why the hell do they own a bunch of mannequins?"

"I always eat duck with a few slices of cheap bread, because I know they would've enjoyed it."

"Don't you hate it when you don't know something and have no way of finding out? We need some kind of... global information network."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tit a lot"

"Why was Beethoven making a lot of money? His property was Fur Elise"

"What's the difference between a hooker and a politician? A hooker stops screwing you when you run out of money."

"guy walks into a bar... bar eats 'im."

"If by ""chivalry is dead"" you mean ""I put my coat in a puddle for my wife so she's making me do laundry for a week"" then yes chivalry is dead"

"Sharknado 3 jokes"

"A masochist and a sadist are having rough sex. Masochist: ""Hurt me! Hurt me!"" Sadist: ""No."""