26635

Joke of the Day

"Me: *Sweeping* Wife: Excuse me Me: *Slams broom on floor* YOU SHALL NOT PASS Wife: ... Me: That's from lord of Wife: MOVE! Me: *Moves*"

"What do you call an attractive person in a wheel chair? Hot wheels."

"I like my Thanksgiving turkey like I like my own ass On the dining room table, with my family gathered round, and with my grandmum's fists in it pulling out the stuffing."

"It's cute the way they make the Oreos bag resealable like I'm not going to eat them all."

"I swapped my wife's parachute around with her backpack. Now when the bitch goes on her stupid camping holiday, all she will have is a parachute. *copypaste from sickipedia.org*"

"I traced the call. It was phone-shaped."

"What do call a bunch of white people on a bench? The NBA"

"What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a boner? I don't have a Lamborghini right now"

"Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that."

"Politicians are like sperm.. one in a million turn out to be an actual human being."