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Joke of the Day

"I'm walking a mile in someone elses shoes today. Not to be tolerant; but because I can't find mine and my son wears the same size."

"GENIE: you have three wishes ME: make math go away GENIE: ha ok that one's on the house ME: oh so I still get three wishes? GENIE: huh?"

"What do you call a booger that you've been squishing for awhile? Boograr"

"today my internet went out for About 3 minutes...... Met my family downstairs. They seem like nice people."

"""Never go to bed angry"" is the worst advice ever. I haven't slept in eleven years."

"In coach, I like to pretend it's my private plane and I happened to invite along a couple hundred of my stinkiest and loudest friends."

"Woman at drive-thru just called me ""honey."" Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike."

"Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb shit."

"Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate."

"[first day as a masseuse] Me: [closing book] ""...& they all lived happily ever after"" Customer: ""That's not what I meant by 'happy ending'"""