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Joke of the Day

"In coach, I like to pretend it's my private plane and I happened to invite along a couple hundred of my stinkiest and loudest friends."

"Why should you not shop for plywood? You'll get bored."

"SON: I'm moving out as soon as I turn 18 and you can't stop me. ME: [pumping fist] If you insist."

"How do redditors get their water? From a well, actually"

"What Cell Phone Company does Usain Bolt use? Sprint"

"Two mormons walk into a bar Have a drink, talk to some ladies, do some blow, have sex, then wake up and leave the Mormon religion."

"[During Interview] ""Do you have any questions?"" - Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?"

"A woman walks into a bar... she walks up to the bartender and asks for a double entendre, So he gives it to her."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy.. Other times I let her sleep"

"Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants."