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Joke of the Day

"Apple watch, loudly: ""It is time for you to poop"" Me: ""A-as I was saying, our investors h-"" Watch, louder: ""It is your optimal poop time"""

"What makes light beer and having sex on a canoe essentially the same thing? They are both fucking close to water."

"Johnny Depp is the best actor ever. You can't even tell he has scissor hands in Pirates of the Caribbean."

"Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire."

"how much can't could a white girl can't even if a white girl literally could not even."

"Have you heard about the Roman cannibalism trial? They asked the defendant if he was sorry for his crimes. He said no, he was gladiator."

"What stopped the beaver's crime spree? The damming evidence"

"you got mad on your own you can get happy on your own -me giving a baby advice"

"What are the two main differences between a Chihuahua and a German shepherd? 1. Spelling 2. Pronunciation"

"The recipe said to crush the garlic So I told it, ""You'll never amount to anything!"""