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Joke of the Day
"How do you piss off a Texan? Cut Alaska in two and make Texas the third largest state!"
Next Joke
"I farted in a room of hipsters... and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first."
"What do you call that useless skin around the penis? A man...."
"I don't want this month to end because the puppy on my calendar is extra cute."
"What do you guys think of this quote I came up with? ""Good artists copy, great artists steal."""
"Romantic subtweets are like watching a couple kissing in a restaurant. We're all very happy for you but it still makes us want to vomit."
"You're IQ's lower than your shoe size."
"*whistles at dog* DOG: I have a boyfriend"
"If you get a present from me with scissors and a roll of tape trapped under the wrapping paper, I'm gonna need those back."
"I used to have a terrible addiction to soap... ...but I'm clean now."