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Joke of the Day

"Sleeping in tomorrow so I have to put my phone on Lebron Mode... No ring"

"It costs today's parents $235,000 to raise a child. And that's just for the alcohol."

"Did you hear about the man in the electric chair who asked the executioner to reverse the charges ?"

"I just want to be as happy as a character in the first half hour of a horror movie"

"Have you seen the news about the Seamus Costello Celebrity sex tape? It's all about the star he ploughs."

"If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it, then my illegal logging business is a success."

"My wife and I are painting our house. I never knew there were so many greys. I hear there's a book about it. There's at least 50."

"Ancient guys used to invent good stuff because they never had to untangle their headphones seventy three times every day."

"*Goes back in time to kill the inventors of Twitter. Returns home to amaze friends on Facebook with endless jokes about vodka & pizza.*"

"An archaeologist notices his partner appears to be nibbling a fossil... Curious, he walks over and asks, ""What you got there?"" ""Not sure"", replies the fellow, ""But you have got to try-a-lil'-bite!"""