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Joke of the Day

"whenever god closes a door he opens a window because he's taking a pretty nasty shit in there."

"What would Jesus do? Today, take Mary out to Olive Garden."

"as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money"

"What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot you racist bastard."

"What do you call clothes for a car? A tire."

"See if your child has learnt any swear words yet, by turning the wifi off while they're playing minecraft."

"Having sex with a pregnant woman is like putting gas in a car that you've already wrecked. That's why I pull into the self serve"

"Is it too soon to crack a joke about flight MH17... Cause I'll probably be shot down."

"What do you call a Japanese pirate? J-Peg."

"Sometimes, late at night, I stare out the window at the stars and think about all the airlines that have wronged me..."