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Joke of the Day

"Nice 35 yr. old unlit candle, every grandma in the world."

"""Is this seat Taken?"" - Guy who confuses Liam Neeson movies with a chair."

"ESPN just did a Top 5 Greatest Comebacks of All Time and there was some guy running with a ball but like literally no mention of Jesus"

"What did the dragon say as he entered the party? Hey, how are you *Alduin*?"

"What is common between a priest and acne? Both start cumming on your face when you turn 13."

"A man goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide, the librarian turns around and says ""fuck you, you wont bring it back"""

"Why does C. Ronaldo comb his hair every game break? So it won't get too Messi."

"The invention of dildos Had a much deeper impact than previously anticipated."

"So a guy with a ""Baby on Board"" sticker on his back glass, backed out of a parking spot and directly into my car.. Apparently that dick had a problem with pulling out."

"Why are you walking away when we're in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! At least give me your number!'"