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Joke of the Day

"Good friends don't let you do dumb things... alone."

"What are the three rings of marriage? The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and then the suffering"

"Happy Mother's Day To all the guys and sperm bank who helped you get your gifts and brunch today"

"[OC] What does a blind pessimist say? ""What glass?"""

"What would Valve call the next world war? A Global Offensive."

"I just threw a football through a tire swing and now I'm in first place in the NFC South?"

"I'm trying to do unto others as I would have done to me, but they're all ""stop thrusting at me, this is a church service; please sit down"""

"I don't understand women... I thought opening the door was the right thing to do, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane..."

"There should be a trap door at the front of the line for coffee that opens into a pit of fire if you take too long to order."

"Why are men great cooks.... because with 1 sausage, a pair of nuts and some milk it can fill up a woman for nine months."