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Joke of the Day

"What are the three rings of marriage? The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and then the suffering"

"I like to sit and stare at the Chinese take out menu for an hour and then order the exact same thing I did the last 20 times."

"Here's a joke I've been working on: Q: What did the husband say when he returned home and found that his wife is missing?"

"A club walks into a seal."

"I tried to help by doing my daughter's hair once and a kind old lady offered her a hot meal and a warm place to sleep."

"What's 16 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? Obama's Tie."

"Rumor has it that John Wayne's autopsy revealed 40 pounds of fecal matter lodged in his intestines But it turned out to be a lot of shit"

"What is the climax to a telephone receptionist who is on cocaine ? A second line"

"When I'm bored, I like to hold wedding ceremonies for my kitchen utensils. ""I now pronounce you pan and knife."""

"Problem: I hate peeing alone, sleeping, & nobody talks to me about random nonsense Solution: kids"