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Joke of the Day

"Yelp Review: Babies Cute at first, but then screamy like angry pterodactyls. There is literally poop everywhere. Would not recommend."

"Why is Barbie's boyfriend afraid of commitment? He's a chic Ken."

"I hate having OCD - do you realize what it's like to feel somewhat compelled to wash your hands nearly every time you go to the bathroom?!?"

"Came up with this when I was 8, have mercy. What do you call a crazy person on the moon? A lunartic."

"Crabs can't eat hotdogs because they just keep cutting them into tinier and tinier hotdogs."

"""There is no GREG in 'team.' "" - super mean way to cut Greg from junior varsity."

"Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car."

"I don't understand the trend of Chinese restaurants with ""NO MSG!"" signs. Why would I eat somewhere that I can't send texts?"

"What does a Syrian pirate say? Allah AkbARRR"

"I went to the doctor's office the other day And he told me, ""you've got to stop masturbating so furiously."" I responded, ""why, doc?"" He angrily responded, ""because, I'm TRYING to examine you."""