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Joke of the Day

"HIPPO: I'm really heavy ZIPPO: I'm a little lighter"

"uk politics joke What do you call a freshly defeated and resigned, anti-immigration uk poilitician who searches his surroundings for food and general provisions? Nigel Forage"

"No YOU tried to pet the albino skunk that wandered up from the woods. Related: Never go outside w/out contacts and YES I need a shower."

"Dogs can lick their balls and no one bats an eye lid but when I do it you're all like get the hell away from my dog?"

"How much does a Qur'an weigh? Allaht"

"I just flew into town and boy are my arms tired! Get it? Because, I've been jerking off on the plane..."

"Long ago I got my first job as a circumciser. The pay was not much but I collected a lot of tips."

"Ever since my son got his first girlfriend, I've been changing the bed sheets much more often. Whenever I imagine him knocking her up, I shit myself."

"Michael Cera, in a public restroom, pinned to the opposite wall by the force of the hand-dryer."

"Coworker: people around the office think you're too controlling Me: what's that? Coworker: oh, sorry *raises hand*"