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Joke of the Day

"As I was backing out a parking space today, a girl with a nice ass walked behind my car. I was checking her out with my rear view camera."

"This town's government... ""This town's government is excellent and spends your tax dollars efficiently."""

"""Madame, I will have your finest package of gum, and money is no object."" how I impressed the hot cashier at the gas station just now"

"Sex_al Harass_ _nt All that's missing is ""u"" and ""me""."

"I should rename my Reddit account to Digiorno... Because as OP I never deliver"

"Where does a black Jew stand? At the *back* of the gas chamber."

"Why did the blonde tip-toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills."

"[Barber gets out a small mirror to show an owl the back of its head] Owl: No I got it *rotates* Owl: Wait where'd it- *rotates* Owl: Ok help"

"[God creating me] And then we sprinkle in just a touch of anxiety [the lid pops off and the whole jar spills in] [God shrugs] He'll be fine"

"The Mother Of All storms (Frankenstorm) is heading toward New York City... Trump better get out the hairspray."