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Joke of the Day

"How many blondes does it take to fix a lightbulb? A lot, because they're fucking stupid."

"A speech should be like a woman's skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep it interesting!"

"1) In the interest of time, would ye noble patriots please provide a list of infractions punishable by spontaneous public execution? Thanks!"

"What do Santa's little helpers learn in school? The Elfabet!"

"I bumped in to the back of a car on the way to work A dwarf got out, absolutely fuming and exclaimed 'I'm not happy!' To which I replied, 'Which one are you then?'"

"At what point does a Lamb become a Sheep? When its had it's Baaaaa-Mitzvah!"

"I bumped into the guy that invented the globe. It's a small world."

"*Nurses dump cooler full of blood on surgeon after successful surgery*"

"How is American beer like having sex in a canoe? It's fucking close to water."

"What do you call a geologist who can't hear? Stone deaf..."