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Joke of the Day

"Hi, Faithbook! itfs Mike Tyson"

"He was a real gentlemen and always opened the fridge door for me"

"What's the best part about being a mohel? (someone who performs circumcisions in the Jewish religion) The tips."

"I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don't know if they're showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner."

"This ebola scare is getting out of hand I just threw ebola at someone who said good morning to me before I had my coffee"

"Whoever coined the term ""gross profit"" wasn't getting paid for their job."

"I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else."

"I made an app that tells you were people with dwarfism are at all times. I can't be the only one thinking of the imp-locations."

"Me: *cleans kitchen and does laundry Wife: looks like someone is getting lucky Me: 1 hour of uninterrupted Call of Duty? W: Yes Me: WOOHOO!"

"Q: What do turtles do for fun? A: Play hide and shell."