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Joke of the Day

"what's the difference.... ..... between a vagina and a refrigerator? refrigerators don't fart when you pull out your meat"

"What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with cardboard? Pillow fight."

"What weebles and wobbles but can't get up? Grandpa having a seizure. Bonus: Statistically speaking, 1 in 5 adult men"

"""Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, I know you're asleep but I just wanted to let you know that I'm like 14 miles away from your house right now!"" -Trains"

"Never play hide-and-seek with a 4yo in the mall. I know that now."

"What do you call a valley girl giving a blowjob for louis vuittons? Head over heels"

"I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex."

"Man, I really wish I'd noticed that rubber ducky in the toilet BEFORE I pooped."

"Sorry for the absence, my tweeties. My hubs and kids cooked their own dinner, and I've been unfreezing hell with a blowtorch ever since."

"Croissants are just biscuits that studied abroad."