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Joke of the Day

"What weebles and wobbles but can't get up? Grandpa having a seizure. Bonus: Statistically speaking, 1 in 5 adult men"

"We get it, cacti, you have great biceps."

"A Jewish guy at my restaurant loves croutons Specifically, burnt croutons. I can understand why, he knows their pain"

"I had a dream last night... ...that I was eating a massive marshmallow, it was huge! And then when I woke up this morning, my pillow was gone!"

"What's brown and steaming and lies behind the barracks? Gomer's pile."

"Don't you hate it when... you spend thirty minutes searching for a video, only to close it two minutes later."

"What's the difference between President Obama and a bucket of shit? The shit's in a bucket ! *that redneck spit noise followed by a ting*"

"Do you think Michael J Fox....? Do you think Michael J Fox ever gets an answer out of an 8-Ball?"

"HIM: If you're upset that people think you're weird, have you tried being less weird? ME: [eating ice cream with chopsticks] Yes."

"My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak. If only they could see me now..."