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Joke of the Day

"Last night while texting and driving i ran over a kid on his bike I know it's terrible but we all do stupid shit when we're drunk."

"You can lead whore to water... But you can't make her sink...easily."

"Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last book you read."

"""Send me the link"" means ""do not ask me to sit here for 6 minutes and watch this shit now."""

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1 to hold the bulb in place and 100 to spin the house around it."

"It's really crazy that you don't hear a round of applause every time you order a salad."

"I just learned that embalmers insert butt plugs into corpses to prevent leakage.... So now I know why zombies walk like they do."

"Little sister to brother in bed: ""Hey, you are better at this than Daddy."" ""Yes, Mummy says so too!"""

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool "

"What do gay horses eat? Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!"