155379

Joke of the Day

"[The Price Is Right] Bob Barker: what do you think the price of this washing machine is Me:*lips firmly pressed to mic* Right"

"The hardest part of potty training my puppy is shitting outside with him so he can learn how to"

"Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep but once a month it's shark week."

"I measure my kids' ages in terms of percent complete out of eighteen years. My kids are 22% and 38%."

"Hey girl, on a scale of 'Neo's mind in the beginning of The Matrix' and 'Neo's mind at the end', how free are you tonight?"

"I painted my laptop black so it would run faster... ...but now it doesn't work."

"Berlin 1945 Ten Soviet soldiers are lining up to rape a German woman. She keeps screaming ""Nein!Nein!"" So one of them left."

"Eating broccoli is a lot like anal sex... If you're forced to have it as a kid, it's less enjoyable when you're an adult."

"[Concert] Triangle player: *proudly playing his triangle [Octagon player struts on stage] Triangle player: ""What the-"""

"Where do you get frogs eggs ? At the spawn shop !"