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Joke of the Day

"My neighbors headboard kept me up last night so I yelled,"" the guy last night made her scream louder."" Then it got quiet.."

"(Offensive) Old enough to count... Old enough to mount ;)"

"Why does Piglett smell nasty? He plays with Pooh."

"How do you starve a right wing christian? Hide their money in their bible."

"When I Die I want my remains to be scattered at Disneyland. I also don't want to be cremated."

"Daniel Day-Lewis sent over 20 million emails to prepare for his role as LinkedIn"

"The arrogant baker declared 'You'll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window' The customer agreed 'It must be the double glazing'"

"I just ate so much Chinese food that now I'm able to use algorithms based on linear algebra to solve large numerical systems."

"My favorite book is a Stephen King novel... but you've probably never heard of It"

"If you drop your cellphone in water put it in a bowl of rice... It will attract an Asian who will fix it for you. (just heard from buddy of mine)"