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Joke of the Day
"My favorite book is a Stephen King novel... but you've probably never heard of It"
Next Joke
"How many mexicans do you need to screw a lightbulb? Juan"
"I like woman who are mentally stable and sexually unstable."
"A Neutron goes into a bar and orders a drink,when he asks how much the drink will cost him bartender says ""For you no charge""."
"Is it sad that the plans I make after work depend on how much charge I have left in my phone battery?"
"What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of it's paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause."
"This orange juice says shake well before drinking. *shakes juice and puts back in fridge then opens beer"
"wife: What's wrong? me [annoyed because the kids menu has a picture of a tree on it but they didn't give me any brown crayons] Nothing"
"Invited a homeless guy to Thanksgiving dinner this morning, so when he shows up at your place, let him in."
"Someone tweeted today that they were ""29-ish"" and I didn't know you could ""ish"" 15 years."