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Joke of the Day

"Volkswagen announces it will open a facility in Israel to make a new advanced vehicle... The new models are are so advanced not only will they stop on a dime, they'll actually pick it up."

"Are those your discarded fingernails on this bus seat or are you just happy to watch me throw up my breakfast?"

"Which came first, the chicken, the egg, or the rooster's insistence that he knows what's best for both of their bodies?"

"Tiger is wearing a summery pink top with black trousers during his opening round at The Open. He's so getting laid tonight"

"What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1."

"Password My pass is ""incorrect"" so when ever i forget my password it tells me your password is incorrect"

"Reporter: Russell Wilson, do you want another Superbowl ring? Wilson: Nah I'll pass."

"Even if oil prices go down, I'm still going to siphon gas from my neighbor's car because I like the adrenaline rush and he's an asshole."

"What did the mayor say after the townsfolk told him that they used the watering hole to take dumps? Well shit."

"For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats."