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Joke of the Day

"Ever wonder where the happiest place in the world is? It's gate 25 @ Kansas City airport after they announce 2hr delay for flight to NYC."

"I crashed into the back of a dwarf's car... He got out, looked at the damage and said ""I'm not happy"". So I replied "" Which one are you then?"""

"What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Ones fun to smash with a sledge hammer the others just a fucking watermelon."

"Darwin is a genius. Just realized I'm attracted to women in glasses because I'm more likely to reproduce with a woman who can't see me well."

"So on your resume, under references, you wrote ""it's a trap!"", ""do him job"", ""that rug really tied the room together, man"" and ""The Matrix"""

"I only break out my Cookie Monster impression if a date is going terribly or really well."

"You know what the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic is? A drunk doesn't have to go to all those fuckin meetings."

"What is the sheeps market called? The Baa-zar."

"Sorry I mispronounced your baby's name you made up."

"Employee requested for a leave and got FIRED!! ""Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."" ~ James"