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Joke of the Day

"I have just been kidnapped by a fat dude in a red suit, shoved in a bag and taken to the north pole and wrapped up. Who put me on their Christmas list?"

"Why are black fathers always missing? Because white cops always shoot them for no reason."

"What's long, black, and smelly? The unemployment line"

"Why do porn sites have a Google+ option? I don't want my friends knowing I use Google+"

"Whenever I drink I turn into Jason Bourne. I can't remember much, fighting comes naturally, and I have a sudden need to evade the law."

"How to propose marriage: 1. Drive to bridge 2. Jump off"

"Government Shutdown: Day 13 Anthony Weiner decides to help. He takes a photo. He tweets. Congress now sees where balls are located."

"I was astonished to learn that the meat in Subway was slaughtered in a traditional Muslim way. I mean how the fuck do they fit a rucksack on a cow?"

"Hey girl, are you a grape? Because you are raisin my dick"

"It's nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he's getting hit by a train."