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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a lentil and a chikpea? I wouldn't pay 200 to have a lentil on my face"

"A girl went to Thailand for a week... And came back a changed man."

"My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will."

"Kevin, children are allowed to order pizzas. You don't have to make the delivery guy think he's being shot at by gangsters. For christ sake."

"Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ""Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?"""

"Why couldn't the NSA go outside? They were Snowden."

"Psychic: *rubbing temples* You want to know if your wife's trying to murder you Me: How'd you know? P: *sees knife in my back* I'm good"

"Lady at the dollar store checked to see if my $20 was fake. Like if I could counterfeit money I'd be shopping at the dollar store."

"What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a bald eagle A life time ban from the zoo and a felony...apparently"

"As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions."