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Joke of the Day

"Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ""Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?"""

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"What do you call a disease that only effects ducks? A mallard-y"
"Me: Babe will you love me when I'm old & fat. Wife: I sure do."
"What did the jihadist do when he forgot to study? He bombed the exam."
"An Irish girl tells her mother that she's decided to become a prostitute. ""A WHAT?!"" her mother says. ""A prostitute,"" the daughter says. ""Thank god,"" the mother says. ""I thought you said Protestant."""
"In 1973, the Six Million Dollar Man consisted of a bionic man with super powers... In 2016, the Six Million Dollar Man consists of two hip replacements."
"What dog do other dogs tell their problems to? A complaint Bernard!"
"What do you get if you cross a poodle with katey perry? 7 trillion dead toddlers.. LMFAOOOOOOOO"
"*cops finds my loose floorboard* Cop: What's under here... *they discover a lifetime supply of hot pockets* Me: I'd like my lawyer now."
"What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? ""Look grandpa, no hands!"""
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